In a presidential race noted for its firsts — first woman nominated by a major party; first casino developer nominated by a major party; and first "f-bombs" and disparaging references to fellow candidates' anatomical dimensions — Big Ass Fans' mascot, Fanny, feels confident that the American public will have no difficulty embracing a bona-fide ass in the race.
That's why she's proud to declare herself a ride-in candidate for President of the United States.
OK, we realize you're probably asking yourself a few questions right now.
Do we really need another ass in the race?
Is she even eligible to hold elected office?
But Fanny is no ordinary ass. In the words of a former president, she believes that "One donkey can make a difference, and every donkey should try."
Fanny recognized a need for a genuine middle-of-the-trail candidate who can speak for the masses, Americans who make a living by the sweat of their brow and the strength of their caffeine. She cringed as she heard the word "ass" being bandied about to describe the nominees, and grew tired of the constant mudslinging. She thought the race needed a calming, positive, and, most of all, silent presence. She decided it was time to throw her straw hat in the ring, earholes and all.